Posted by jonvon on August 03, 2001 at 14:44:37:
In Reply to: Re: attachment parenting and organization posted by viva nashvegas on August 03, 2001 at 13:17:04:
: : : I don't know if I agree with all of the attachment parenting theories, but I do agree with your observation. Something about it rings true in my opinion.
: : what theories do you not know if you agree with?
: I disagree with a parenting strategy that places the child at the center of the family's universe. Though in some circles it is seen as a dirty topic, I lean more toward the Babywise philosophy where some scheduling is followed.
: This method is often seen as a strict, watch-the-clock, concept which it really isn't. I think ANY of these parenting philosophies can be taken to extremes. Dr. Sears recommends against it siting this extreme description just mentioned. However, the authors of this theory (called Parent Directed) in fact, clearly warn against that sort of thing.
: Anyway, the methods and concepts of the family found in this book (listed below) are founded on Biblical principles. I've seen it in action in several families and believe it really works well. My vote is that it is well worth reading if you are the least bit curious. The name of the book is called "On Becoming Babywise". And there are several books in the series which deal with children through all stages of early development and on into home schooling aides, etc.
: -matT
hm. sounds like basically what you are saying is that you set up some kind of schedule and then sort of loosely enforce it, like nap times and feeding times and so forth?
i think the whole attachment parenting thing makes a lot more sense when you are basically forced to do it because of the demands made by your child. outside of that, especially in our culture of convenience, it seems to go against most people's ideas about child rearing. i wonder if most people even realize they have certain preconceptions about this sort of thing until they are faced with it. whenever we try to explain what we are doing to people they usually get this pained expression on their face. you can see the wheels turning. i wonder what they are thinking. probably something between "uh oh, these people are left wing hippies", or "i hope they aren't abusing their kid" or "they are going to spoil her like that", or "that just sounds plain crazy". it is about as frustrating a situation as i think i have ever dealt with about anything ever. we have gotten it in the neck from all sides, parents, friends, doctors, basically anyone who decides to suddenly have an opinion about our daughter or our child rearing strategies.
you are absolutely correct about attachment parenting placing the child in the center of the family universe. that is EXACTLY what it is all about. it is Extremely difficult. not all children need this kind of attention, but some kids do need it, and our daughter is one of them. in our experience it isn't really one "theory" vs. another, its just a reality that we have had to respond to for our daughter's health and happiness. we actually kind of tripped over the attachment parenting movement as we were seeking some kind of school of thought that seemed to jive with the way we found ourselves going about things. in other words we were looking for information about how to deal with our daughter. we had some strong instinctual leanings about what to do but had a hard time finding anyone who knew anything about what we were dealing with. i can't tell you how many times i've said something to paula about some philosophy or idea i had about some issue concerning roan and she said "i was just reading that in a dr. sears book" (we've got a couple of them). its uncanny really.
i guess everyone has to deal with their kids in whatever way seems best. i have to say when all of this started i would have given just about anything to have a child who would take a bottle full of formula and sleep at least a good portion of the night and get on a schedule and so forth. but our situation has been much more along the lines of "a little child will lead them". roan has thus far dictated our schedule, although i'm hoping we may be able to change that soon.
i tend to think that roan has shown us the fundamental qualities that make us human. paula says we are a "continuous contact species". this comes out of the fact that human breast milk doesn't contain enough protein/carbs/etc to last a child for very long, other mammals milk often contains plenty of all that stuff so that mom can go out and forage for a while. at some point though logic seems to break down in my mind. i can't ever really get my head around how it actually works. all i know is that when i spend a lot of time with roan, especially when i am carrying her around, she seems to be so much better for it. it has forced me to mature in many ways. i feel a lot more like an adult these days. i know that i am a better person for all of this and wouldn't change things now that i am starting to understand what is going on.
i'm glad you have actual reasons for why you do things the way you do them, you are actively thinking about what you are about with your little one. that is way cool.