Posted by Cheri on September 13, 2001 at 23:40:23:
I thought I would share two messages my mom received from a friend's daughter who has been working at the Pentagon disaster site.
#1 of 2:
Hello,
As most everyone knows, I work for the Fairfax County 911 center as a
call-taker, police and fire dispatcher. The center is about 10 minutes from
the Pentagon and 15 minutes from the White House. I work midnights and get
off duty at 7 am. Well, yesterday, I was home from working all night about
3
hours when they called me back in--along with alot of other dispatchers...I
went in and helped for about 4 hours, then they made most of the midnight
shift folks go home to get some sleep. It was pandemonium for us, I can
only guess what it must have been like in NYC and Arlington. Arlington
county borders us and that is actually where the Pentagon is. We run mutual
aid with them all the time, which means we "borrow" each other's engines and
ambulances when we are busy. We have committed a large percentage of our
resources to the disaster at the Pentagon, including our nationally
recognized Urban Search and Rescue Team--they have gone to the major
earthquakes in Turkey, Taiwan, as well as the bombings in Africa and
Oklahoma.
When I went back in at 11 last night, they told me I was going to the
Pentagon to man our communications pod. We were parked 50 yards from that
gaping hole in the Pentagon all night. The term used by the people working
there for the area inside a temporary fence is "the Impact Zone"....all the
people working with a clear view of that wound in the side of what I think
most people considered one of the most secure buildings in the world. Our
command bus is literally parked on the heli-pad . We had several armed
officers assigned to guard our bus....it occured to me that I should be
nervous, but all I could feel was sadness and disbelief. We got out and
walked to the building and stood there at the base of it. It was surreal,
almost seemed that we were watching a movie instead of real life. The
tragedy of it kept washing over us in waves-- we could watch a television
inside the bus and kept seeing seeing newer and more horrific images. When
you work in the public safety field, you really feel the loss when a fireman
or policeman is killed in the line of duty. Whether it is for your
jurisdiction or another. I guess it comes from the nature of our job....day
in and day out as a dispatcher, you are responsible for officer and
firefighter safety and when one is lost, you can identify with all the
people
involved and it hurts you deeply. There is a kind of brotherhood among
people who do this kind of work. I can't even imagine what it must be like
to be a member of a department that loses 300 members. I can't even begin
to
imagine where you start to grieve.
I talked with a captain from our fire department on the grounds of the
Pentagon who is on the search and rescue team. He said that they made entry
into some of the offices that are to the right of the 'hole'----they found
24
bodies in the offices they could access. He said there was a group of 4
people sitting around a table, still looking a television--all instantly
dead
from their burns. They have left them all in place for now, until the FBI
can photograph and document and get their evidence. He said there is no
chance anybody is still alive in there. Nobody in this country will ever be
the same after this...but for the men and women who actually have to go into
those buildings and carry those people out---I just can't imagine.
The FBI area in front of the Pentagon is an eerie sight. There are hundreds
of cardboard boxes and plastic tubs lined up to be packed with evidence.
Large and small pieces of the airplane are laying there on the ground
waiting
to be sorted. There are many many jurisdictions here...and groups of
personnel hung out everywhere, alternating in their efforts and rest
periods.
Food was instantly delivered to our communication center and the Pentagon
by
local businesses....people lined up around the block to donate blood at the
hospital near our center--it was a 6 hour wait to donate and they say
everyone stayed.
There is a police officer who works with us in the center---his sister works
in the Trade Center and his brother is a NYC firefighter. As of midnight
last night, he hadn't heard from either of them. It is all so hard to think
about. He said he couldn't stay home, so he came in to work with us--to
feel
like he was a part of something being done. We sat and watched as the
raised three fire chiefs up in a basket to get an aerial view of the
roof---once they were finished with their overview....they were lowered so
that one could reach over and hang a second American flag from the front of
the building. I saw several Green Berets and Marines next to our bus get
up
from where they were leaning against their gear bags and salute that flag as
it was hung there. It was very emotional for everyone watching, and one
of
the images that sticks in my mind.
I am home now, after spending all night watching that hole in the
Pentagon--being able to see into offices where one wall was completely
gone--computers still visible on the desk. It almost looks like a
dollhouse,
where you can see into it, and it seems that somebody still lives there. In
other office windows, the glass is not shattered but melted, oozing down
like candle wax.
I should be sleeping, but somehow can't.......it somehow seems wrong not to
be there.....when there are things I am trained to do that could be helpful.
It was tough to come home and now that I am home, I am having to force
myself
to stay here and try to rest. May God bless all those feeling pain from
this.
Lori
#2 of 2:
>From: Imlorijean@aol.com
>To: yvonnesainsbury@hotmail.com
>Subject: Re:
>
>With sincere and genuine thanks, know that your words of support and
>encouragement found their way to someone who was touched by them--and know
>that your prayers are stitched into the blanket that surrounds all the
>victims and the workers.
>
>Lori
>
>I have been sitting here reading through all the emails of encouragement
>and
>hope and patriotism. Somehow each one is a little bit of salve--and I hope
>it feels that way to everyone on those forwarding lists.
>
>With another day, and being able to finally get some sleep yesterday after
>writing my thoughts down, I thought I would try to assemble some more
>coherent thoughts for those who wrote to tell me that they appreciated the
>email yesterday.
>
>It still doesn't seem real---we kept saying that to each other as we sat
>there staring into that gaping hole. We kept saying it out loud "this is
>the
>PENTAGON for God's sake" What an incredible gift our sense of security and
>freedom has been--and it just kept slowly sinking that we were looking at
>the
>reason that those feelings are forever changed in some way. More images
>from
>that scene come to my mind--and I feel a need to somehow document them for
>myself while they are still fresh in my mind. Anyone who knows me knows
>how
>I have such a strong need to talk about everything that affects me, a need
>to
>talk and to write.
>
>One small glimmer in all of this was a fax that came into our fire dispatch
>center last night. A former Fairfax County firefighter had gone to join
>NYC's fire department and he was one of the first on the scene Tuesday
>morning. He was also one of those among the missing when the towers
>collapsed. He was one of the 4 firefighters that was rescued 6 hours later
>in a stairwell--having been trapped in a pocket of air and cramped space.
>The fax told us that they pulled them out and at the time the fax was being
>sent, he was back at the scene---digging and scraping with the rest of his
>firefighter brothers, to find those still in there. How do you describe
>that
>kind of heroism? And it's not that these people don't feel fear---it's
>that
>in spite of their fear, they push on. What an amazing and incredible show
>of
>strength and fortitude and spirit by everyone of the rescuers. The are
>lowering their shoulders and by sheer force of will and determination, they
>push forward, one brick at a time. In the face of unsafe conditions and
>air
>that is painful to breathe, dust that settles on the eyeballs so that just
>the act of blinking causes abrasions on the surface. Think how it must
>feel
>facing a pile of rubble that is formed from 120 stories of steel and brick
>and glass hitting the ground--and yet, they focus their eyes on the piece
>of
>metal in front of them--and they move it aside, and then they move the next
>one and the next one. I know they don't see it, but let them somehow know
>that they are heroes.
>
>I saw other heroes out there, at the Impact Zone. A large flat-bed semi
>pulled up with a load of lumber that the rescuers needed to shore up the
>sagging walls of the Pentagon. The driver jumped out and reached back into
>his cab and pulled out two plastic milk jugs full of coffee and a sleeve of
>styrofoam cups.....and he just started walking the grounds. I watched him
>stopping and asking everyone he saw if they would like a cup of coffee,
>offering cups and pouring for them as they sat or stood away from the
>building. He was a middle aged man, with a long ponytail and an unruly
>beard
>and many tattoos. But that morning, in his world, in his house--he found a
>way he could do something. I could see him brewing pot after pot of
>coffee.......finding something to carry it in and assembling his care
>package. How do you not feel that somehow we will all be okay when you see
>things like that? I saw top brass hold their cups as he poured his hot
>coffee from his plastic milk jug. I hope that truck driver knows he is a
>hero.
>
>As first light began to dawn, a man wearing a business suit stuck out among
>the crowd and when he came close I could see he was carrying the long silk
>scarf that a priest wears around his neck---he had a bottle of holy water
>and
>they were walking him up to the face of the building so that he could bless
>the wreckage and most probably administer last rites. It was impossible to
>NOT have the point driven home that there were PEOPLE in that horrific pile
>of twisted metal and concrete--I hadn't realized that I was avoiding
>considering that, or at least trying to.
>
>The media is being kept pretty far away---across the interstate. Most of
>the
>views I have seen don't really convey how many people and how much
>equipment
>is camped out there around the heli-pad. It is an assortment of red cross
>tents with cots for the rescuers to find what rest they can steal--although
>many of them just sleep where they drop, close to their engines or tents.
>There are hundreds of pieces of fire fighting equipment all over the
>grounds.
> And the support people--they just wander through the encampment, leaving
>cases of bottled water in piles on the ground for whoever needs them. They
>carry in boxes and boxes of pizzas donated by local businesses, dropping
>them
>off at various points to whoever they pass. No rescuer ever has to go in
>search of food or water, these volunteers seek out everyone. Sometimes
>wordlessly, just putting a bottle of water in the hands of a fireman as he
>takes off his helmet and slumps to the ground. No words, no thank
>yous...but
>it's not necessary. They each know that the other's efforts are
>appreciated,
>no energy can be wasted on niceties--there is too much other important work
>to be finished. Other volunteers go from tent to tent, engine to engine,
>truck to truck knocking on windows "would you like a hot egg sandwich?"
>"Take an apple and banana".....and they dispense the strength to go on. I
>hope they know they are heroes.
>
>And in the midst of all this....all those flashing lights...all those
>people
>whose uniforms and weapons and equipment seem to roar with might and
>power--it was eeriely quiet. There was the background sound of some
>generators running.....an occasional motor starting up when a piece of
>equipment was moved. But in all, it was a hushed place---it struck me as
>soon as I walked in, no sirens, no loudspeakers, no one shouting. I
>gradually came to see that there was no place for much talking, no energy
>to
>be spared on that. And yet, it wasn't the sound of defeat or
>hopelessness--it was the sound of fierce determination.
>
>I talked this morning with a very good friend of mine who is in charge of
>the
>communication for the Urban Search and Rescue Team--he says they will be
>heading to New York City in a few days. They have amazing specialized
>equipment--sensitive listening devices, cameras, dogs and lots of
>experience
>with this. I saw the spark and the fight in his eye. "We are going up
>there and we are going to find people alive" It was a statement. He is
>convinced that because of the underground walkways and the underground
>mall,
>that there are pockets of space that people will survive in. He predicted
>that groups of 10 to 15 at a time will be found still alive. I believe
>him......it is not false bravado...he has pulled people from buildings all
>over the world. Again, there is that spirit---they have spent two days
>working at that phenomenal scene at the Pentagon, and what they want now is
>to go to New York. I hope they know they are heroes.
>
>The policeman that I talked about yesterday---his sister was found last
>night---in a hospital with a broken shoulder--but she will survive. He
>said
>his family feels guilty with their rejoicing, and yet the fact that there
>is
>reason for them to rejoice is the only thing keeping the rescuers
>going---keeping the country going. As for the firefighter, it is his
>nephew,
>not his brother. But he is still missing.
>
>I was walking through the parking lot on the south side of the Pentagon,
>away
>from the crash site, just needing to be apart from what was going on and it
>slowly dawned on me that the cars that remained parked there most likely
>belonged to people who were still in that building--in that wreckage. And
>so
>I stopped, and I began to look inside them...and touch them. And it slowly
>began to overwhelm me. The minivan with a child's car seat in the
>back--and
>I knew that somebody's mother was in that building. There was a black car
>with a man's raincoat draped over the passenger seat and a picture of a
>smiling middle aged woman hanging from the radio knob, and I knew that
>somebody's husband was in that building. Then there was the cute little
>Sunfire with a tassle from a graduation hat with a charm that said '98 and
>I
>knew that somebody's daughter was in there. I hope they all know they are
>heroes.
>
>In the communications center where I work, everyone has a calm and firm
>resolve. I heard someone sitting beside me talking to a family member who
>had called her at work. She said "I can't cry with you now, I have to keep
>working." I think that pretty much says it best. But we wouldn't be in
>the
>line of work we are in if we weren't caregivers by nature--every single one
>of us cries until there aren't tears left when we leave. We have all
>admitted to crying all the way to work and all the way home from
>work......but we know that people depend on us to hold it together when we
>are there. So know that about those firemen and policemen and
>rescuers---they do that because they care, because they are driven by the
>need to help. And they are affected to their souls....they never get
>hardened to it.
>
>One other thing I want to add---several of the members of the Search and
>Rescue team and people I work with were sitting near their tent. As Greg
>was
>describing what they had seen when they went into the offices that hadn't
>collapsed, but had been incinerated--I reached out and touched his hand and
>said "I can't imagine what that does to you--to see that, but you have got
>to
>feel the prayers and the good thoughts of a country around you here". And
>he
>looked at me and said, "The guys were talking last night about how you
>really
>CAN feel it---how it feels like a blanket around the whole area, like it's
>a
>physical thing". And I knew just what he meant. I swear you can feel it,
>you know it, and you feel protected by it. So don't ever say "all I can do
>is pray and send you my thoughts"...because that is what recharges them,
>that
>is what feeds them. If you paused and said a prayer, if you put a dollar
>in
>a jar, if you dropped off a box of food at a collection site, if you
>listened
>patiently to someone pour out their feelings and their pain to you, then I
>hope you know you are a hero.
>
>I will be sending a few more emails after this one with some pictures
>attached that we took while at the Pentagon. Know that is what is in the
>emails, and make your own decision about whether to open them and look at
>it.
> There are none that show any victims, only the building--and they aren't
>the
>greatest quality--but I thought there might be those who would like to see
>them. What they show is history, it is the single biggest reason that we
>are
>all forever changed.
>
>Lori