Posted by john on April 08, 2002 at 06:24:47:
In Reply to: Re: John, Bill and Jesus posted by Pollavon on April 05, 2002 at 07:13:27:
: : Sometimes it strikes me that you have such an innocence and peace. I remember feeling it at your house the first time Kathy & I were there and no one else had arrived yet. I almost envy it because I don't know what it is like, but at the same time it mezmorizes me.
: Dear John, would that I had the peace you speak of. Every day I have to work with my mind, my heart and my soul to find peace, compassion and patience. This life has always been hard for me on every level. My husband says that I have innocence about me and that I am attracted to those things which have it too. I think what you all may sense about me is a love that I have for the mystery of each passing moment. I always feel like I'm going to get a present. I don't know why I'm this way. I guess I need to be simply grateful and "keep up the love."
: Each time I meet you again John I am struck by how kind and humble you are. Your writings do not portray a humbleness, more of a fierceness. Neither is any better than the other, both halves of a lovely whole. I look forward to continuing to know you, your beautiful wife and son better.
This dichotomy you mention runs far deeper than you may know. I am schizmed on almost every level. This is why I can rarely rest. My greatest hope is that one day these things will reconcile and I'll be at peace. But to both our encouragements, I am starting to see that often what people feel they most lack is precisely what others tend to receive from them.