Re: Shining Knight of Joy

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: : : Ah, but if you quit, then a piece of who YOU truly are will have been silenced, and that would suck mightily. Besides, I enjoy picking apart your "pursuits of nuance". There is something in your personality or in the way you put thoughts together that kind of reminds me a bit of kafka and kierkegaard and nietzsche and camus, you seem to often be troubled about stuff. But I think I'm learning, and correct me if I'm wrong, you aren't really all that troubled about any of it. You're jumping mad... but then you turn around and go sit peacefully on a log, or tell your wife a knock knock joke. Something like that. You seem to hover around this "pole of disturbance". It leads you into trains of thought that are probably disturbing to a lot of people. Maybe because they seem so disturbing to you. But, maybe you really aren't so disturbed. I find myself spending energy in moving you away from that darkling pole, getting you interested in the, well, in the flower in the desert. Maybe I want you to fall in love with joy, or at least I want to see you hovering around it from time to time the way you like to hover around your disturbances. But... even assuming I'm beginning to apprehend you, if this were the case, if you did begin hovering around joy (in the context of these writings/conversations), maybe you wouldn't end up writing something like kafka wrote. Maybe the world needs your critical eye. Maybe it helps us to be disturbed from time to time, and maybe you are around to do that. : : You have such a wonderful way of writing what I was thinking in a way I could never express. : : john want's to exorcise his demons but is afrid to, because it might hurt or disgust or otherwise offend. : : We have a forum where all types of expression can exist, the vision is beauty and joy and love. : : Ideally we want to create an environment where beauty abounds but not at the expense of truth even if it is ugly. : : But in the Parallel Universe even ugliness can bring us to joy. : : If it's recognized for what it is. : : If we have love to guide us out and back into joy. : : There is a danger in nurturing the darkness and coddling it though, that's where the fear is. Fear of falling down the abyss and never getting out. I've been there, I don't want to go back and sometimes I have to make a conscious effort and grab the joy and not let go. There is a reason I don't speak my darkest thoughts, but I think if you need to express it make sure there is LOVE around you, and the Shining Knight of Joy...jonvon. : ) : : : : : : : : I know this. And I really don't have a problem with any of it. This whole thread started with Bill's post about feeling like he could explode and I ran with it. Expounding a thought. Then I, in typical fashion that always ends up badly, felt the need to forever pursue the nuances of what I meant in response to other responses. As many people are well aware I have a propensity for being the Devil's advocate. But please don't confuse this with being the Devil (I know Steve doesn't). It is just my personality to offer objections to everything in a sort of purifying process of thought, testing, objecting, defending, and then testing again. But this is only in my head and on this board. I don't take it beyond here. If it really bothers people I'll quit. : I got lost about four posts back. But, I want John to be himself. He pisses me off sometimes. But that's O.K. I love him. : As for the rest of you, be yourselves! It's O.K. : Thanks for putting up with me! Bill

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