Posted by john on August 21, 2002 at 11:51:46:
In Reply to: honesty..the sting of being real posted by Mister Metal on August 21, 2002 at 00:12:33:
this is a complex issue that has alot to do with tact, which is often mistaken for dishonesty. The truth is, in every practical sense you can't just blurt things out. This has caused wars. The reason is that people all percieve things differently, and the same statement made by one person and intended to be harmless, may be percieved by the other as rude, or insulting for whatever reason. So to get around this people developed a thing called common courtesy, which has fallen by the wayside in our generation. This is a code of conduct that allows people to communicate effectively with proper respect for each other and avoids starting such conflicts that used to end up in duels and broken treaties and so forth. Of course I'm mixing two vastly different arenas-- one of diplomacy, and one of common courtesy, but the root is the same. It allows us to get along better.
Unfortunately in this world it is no longer acceptable to smash a guy in the mouth for being rude to you (at least in most circles) so we are forced to use much more subtle ways of letting people know that they are crossing that line of what we want to discuss.
I think it is one thing to be "real" as you called it, and quite another to be so blunt and forthcoming that you make people uncomfortable, either by revealing too muh personal information about yourself or by saying things to others that they do not feel comfortable talking about. Knowing where this line is, is tact. For example, you just can't walk up to a girl who is slightly conscious of her appearance and say, "hey did you gain weight?" Nor can you answer a question such as "do you feel attracted to me" without carefully weighing the response. To blurt these things out is disasterous, but there are ways to be honest and not offend. The same is true with everyone you talk to, not just women, that was merely an easy example pulled from an instance in which someone who who was utterly tactless had just destroyed a close friend of his and asked me why they were so sensitive.
It all boils down to respect. Be honest by all means, but don't hurt people. We have to respect the fact that not everyone thinks like we do. I think this attitude is one of the root flaws in our culture. We rarely ever think of how other people feel or react to us.
: i just realized that very few people can handle when one is real..honestly i dont get that..its almost like people want to not hear the truth all the time..well its somethin i have observed in my zeal to be expressive of how i feel at everytime..this has made people at times just not knowin what to say..and kinda intimidated..i just wish that people would see honesty for what it is..just take it for face value..instead of thinkin its a foreign thing..when really we should all be honest to one another..now i am not tryin to say i am all that..just think that this is a nice concept...i just wish that some people would learn to take me being honest to them as that..and not rack their brains with it..just take it for face value and say..hey he is real..rather then get all uncomfortable..i think that some people are afraid to be real...
: why is this?? somebody help explain as i never have..and who knows probly never will grasp this "fake is better notion" mentality of the masses...