Posted by PS on October 20, 2002 at 10:37:00:
In Reply to: Re: hasta luego!! posted by quequel on October 19, 2002 at 18:00:54:
: Hey dude! Please don't get me wrong here, I think you're really cool and you've got a deep soul. Therefore, I'm going to offer what little I've learned about human nature.
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: It's not that people misunderstand you so much as you seem to need a whole lot of validation. You need to be real, and you have needs like the rest of us to be accepted and understood, but sometimes you have to stop preaching the same sermon for awhile and move on to another topic. The stuff you say--after your usual introductory paragraph about how misunderstood you are and how much you just want to be a good friend--is usually great...
Good stuff, Kristi. This is the way we all feel. You have much to share that is substantial, Raul. We all recognize this, and we are a bit frustrated when all your potential keeps getting subverted by the same old tired issues you can't let go.
We like the real Raul a LOT. We just can't navigate the stormy waters of the self-crisis typhoon around your beautiful island. People really cannot love you until you stop demanding it. The validation you receive because you require it does not really validate anyway. The only validation that will have any permanent healing effect is that which you receive from God. Our validation is a poor substitute, and will leave you very disillusioned if you trust in it.
I know that it is hard (and painful) to be told to grow up and get over yourself, and I know that it doesn't seem much like love on the surface. But I trust our commitment to you is genuine and will weather the storms of adversity. The question is whether you will let us love you in the best way, not your way. Your way has not worked for you so far, and we aren't capable of it anyway. But the future for you here is bright. I don't think you could find a more accepting and forgiving group of friends, but we will be quite demanding. You will be constantly challenged to grow out of this fog and develop into the amazing man that you are. And sometimes the challenge will be painful. This is the nature of healing. And this is the nature of love.
We love you. We all hope you can see that.