Posted by phunkle kitten on October 24, 2002 at 13:47:53:
hiya all universian..
i would like to take a moment of your day to really open up to all of you..at once. i know this is long but please read all of it..thanks........
An old Iroquoi is teaching his grandson about life.
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
this was sent to me by a native american friend of mine named mike falcon and it was given to him by a man named pete and i give it to you.
i know lately there has been alot of people going through depression anger unforgiveness to one self
fighting quilt from past hurts. i know recently i have been one of those.i ahve wrestled with me,i have been afraid of man. i have hung onto pain because it is familar and sometimes familar feel safe.i know i have wrestled with my own indentity as a man. i know i have had nights of tears becuse i felt like i have muffed somethings really bad. and after reading what my friend sent me it started thinking..it the word paul says why do i do the things i dont want to do.. this was paul saying this. he held multiple degrees he been all over the world he was infront of kings and rulers
he saved nations and wrote many many letters we read and some try to apply them to life today. but this is paul saying he wrestles with himself..then there is the prophet who says he is a man like us. ok i know steve has said this before i have heard hundreds of times. i have sat in church noddingmy head because it makes sense. but do i let drop to my heart. do i let the holy spirit bring it to reality. no..my mind stops it. i could quote a lot of steve's messages on forgiveness on love on acceptance. but do i let it really become part of my life..for years i have struggled with some issues. some i will not say if you truely want to know them all ask me good questions. but i have struggled with my manhood and gender i have struggled with fear of man. i have struggled with forgiveness. i realized who i am struggling with and that is me..and also demonic forces .in the word it says we are new creations new..new...we were enemies of the cross..we were seperated from God. there are no easy answers so i try to find one i try to do plans that will set me free i try to find ways to let me feel better i think of points and poems to do it ..guess what it has been done already, before the cross. christ blood did it all. i have to let go into my heart not just into my mind. the fear of man was a strong hold because i could not face the man in my own mirror i did not want to be what i could see. i was afraid of me i was afraid of my own feelings. how i could i have these feelings i am man. well in Gods word it says he fashioned me in secret, how many times do i miss going to my hiding place. how many days go by when i dont spend time with him..yeah i spend time with friends i spend time with others and i miss time with the one who fashioned me who has a plan for me who holds the key to life and has made death with no sting. so do i beat me up no..see sometimes i do this because i do not like being alone. but am i alone .where can i go that he is not..sometimes when i am alone "mind" goes into overdrive..and yes i heard steve i think to much him do nt thinks so much...yeah right...ok recently i have studying pre stuff for school and i came across this...a still is powerful..sometimes my mind goes crazy...the word states take each thought cptive. in some eastern meditation teaching it instructs on the how..it tells me to realize each thought and momentary focus on it then cast it aside like a net finding the one who is to be focused on. i have been doing this and i have peace..my thought life is clearer because i actively make it clearer. i realize in my heart not just understand with my mind. in the word it says be focused on the finish line..i am actually begining to find mental rest. when i see the one in the mirror i also realize i see imperfect which is ok. the word says we look into a dim glass. the teaching on naming was awesome and i am catching myself more daily renaming. "god dont make no junk" for the first time in years since five years old i know who i am i know who god made me. i know i am a man and proud to be one..god is setting me free..
"The one you feed."
when i thought of this the little shop of horrors the giant plant came into mind, the wanted to be fed..at one time it was not large..the tao it says a large oak came from a small acorn it says a small fissure can destroy a wall and you can kill someone with one word. in the word it says the small foxes destroy the vine..i realized my problems and issues came from someting small that grew larger
sometimes we hear something and when we add to it can grow. we hear a whisper..you are not loved and then we focus on it which begins a process of remembering all the things that "could make us look un lovly" why is it we can receive a negetaive comment easier than a compliment. could it have something to do with feeding the focus..yes..what does the word say. we can only focus on one thing at a time we can only grow one direction. a friend of mine worked on ocean liners when he was just startig out he asked his teacher why cant a boat just sit in one place the teachers says it can it is called sinking..see a boat when it is at dock has to move backwards or forwards constanly when men are working on it in the ocean. there is something called dry docking which takes the boat all the way out of the water. but when a boat is being worked it has to be going in a direction so we are going one direction at a time if we completely stopped we would sink..i realize my focus and my feeding are equally important. to kill something dont feed it to change direction different focus to repent means go the other way. now please no one think who does phunkle kit think he is..i am not perfect right now but god sees me that way. he sees me completely different than the way i see anything he is perfect. what i am trying to say we/i are a smart group of people maybe sometimes to smart..remember when need to be like a child....sometimes in all "our" learning we stop being a child we become tooooooo busy to enjoy our GOd lover friend husband father brother. sometimes in all " our" doing we miss play time sometimes in all "our" do list we miss the most important do to go to a hidden place and find him there. i love the book song of solomon..the lover wants to be chased. and he will chase us.. maybe our healing can come if we unlearn a little.. maybe our healing will come when we stop feeding the xing (as told in the madeline leangle story)
i love you all...
chris