very cool, very constructive string

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: This is a very cool, very constructive string. I'm watching and waiting. Bill : : Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the understanding of the Outsider (cool name--you rock), Nancy, Kat, Corey, Xavier, Jonvon, etc. I appreciate the support of Terry, Jen, Mike and those who have been hanging with us at our house. I appreciate the emails and phone calls from many. : : I think there is a problem with the basic foundational idea of the church. It has been a free-for-all in terms of expression, and now people feel that it should be a free-for-all in terms of administration. While chaos and conflict in art can produce deep truth and beauty, chaos and conflict in administration are very destructive. : : Because we are such a small group, and we have freely discussed all the issues of the church publicly, the line between leadership and non-leadership has been blurred. : : Because our vision was shared as something to which all members contribute with their personal gifts of expression, it was construed that everyone is also a co-director of some kind. : : Because we encouraged self-expression and sought to validate the beauty of people's art, we have inadvertantly fed their self-aggrandizing desires, and validated their hope of self-promotion. : : Problems arose which spotlighted what had happened. (1) The installment of council members caused hard feelings among those who imagined themselves to be the church leaders (or next church leaders), and among those who felt like equals were now somehow put "over them." (2) There was no restraint exercised in publicly challenging and criticizing the leaders and the leadership decisions (something that would not have been tolerated in any other church anywhere). : : I am reflecting prayerfully. : : I have approached pastoring in a way that is non-traditional. I have opened up areas of church operations that no other pastor would have. I have explained and been open about things that are never expressed to congregationers. I have allowed expression that never would have entertained in any other church. I have maintained a public internet forum and allowed people to publicly criticize me on it for years. I have worked for free, paid my own money to build the church, taught college level concepts, demonstrated the presence and power of God in indisputable ways, and openly accepted people who have caused problems repeatedly and never supported the church financially. : : In doing these things, I gained a reputation of being different from other pastors in some fundamentally good ways, but I also created an environment that prevented me from being effective, and from being accorded the basic respect that other pastors receive. I am challenged by young men who think their wisdom rivals mine, I am challenged for leadership by men who cannot hold a job, and my decisions are criticized by those who have no leadership abilities. These people never consider for a moment that they have overstepped their bounds here. At the very least, I have erred in my estimation of people's perception of basic propriety. : : I am rethinking how I can further the realization of our dream and remedy the problems I have created. God knows I have tried to do what I thought was good and true, but some fundamental paradigm shift now must be realized. I appreciate your prayers on this. More later as God speaks to me.

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