Dances in Eternal Light

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: You soothe the sting of life's poison darts, my friend. Dance for me, Dances in Eternal Light. I will feel it in the Spirit. : The dream is not dead yet. We are not dead yet. I am not dead yet. : Many people have shown me their hearts the last two days. I don't feel like I can let you all down. : We are meeting at our house Sunday at 3:30. We will continue the Gospel of Mark study we began a month ago. We will continue to pray and save for the building we have dreamed of, the art gallery, the coffee house, the poetry jam, the open mic stage, the live music, the classes, the worship... : This is my home now, not a public forum for everyone to strive to be preeminant. In my home you are all equal. If you have aspirations to lead this church, are offended by the council, cannot respect me as a pastor, or choose to harbor bitterness, please go elsewhere; please be healed. If you don't like me as a person or can't endure my personality, please find a good pastor you can embrace. Chances are I will not miraculously morph into a different person. At 47, I am not likely to grow up. : This is my home now. Friends are always welcome here. : We will see how God will bring our dreams to light. : Happy Thanksgiving. : : : I am nearly speechless... : : my eyes desire to bleed salt : : my throat swells : : and silently, in an unspoken, everpresent voice, my heart moans : : I am typing now to provide an outlet to all the messages I have just read. Please excuse me if it sounds like ramblings, they are being typed as they are being thought/felt... : : I get to check the message board infrequently at best and send out an email here or there to try and keep in touch with everyone back in Tampa. Out of everyone I left in Tampa I miss my dad the most. After him, I miss my friends at refuge/crossover/lost and found/parallel universe. : : Steve, I miss you. You are the best teacher/pastor I have ever known or had the pleasure to be lead/instructed/guided by. You have given time, money, blood, sweat, & tears, your shirt, home, heart, forgivness, compassion, & trust, your hand, skills, intelligence, music, & food, you have revealed your past to help us, given us your present to guide us, and promised us your future when most wouldn't and more. You have given all you are to anyone and everyone. I have seen this over and over in all of the years I have known you. : : I was sad to have had to leave, but I thought it was for good. I am grieved to know that a place I believed was home is gone. I am saddened because I know my friends are there hurting and I can not be there. : : I knew what we had was very, very special and very unique. I didn't fully comprehend this until I moved away. Now I am here on the edge of the panhandle. I look for anything even remotely similar to the openness, acceptance, and excellent teaching that I grew accustomed to. I find it is truly a rare commodity and not easily found or readily available. I wonder how many really understood what we had... : : and what they would do to get it back : : The running joke before I left was that I would only be gone for 6 months before I came back. That *was* funny. When I moved up here things were good. Slowly they have begun to deteriorate. The funny part is that if I decided to move back to Tampa I wouldn't be able to do it until about the end of March. (roughly 6 months) In the last week as I was figuring this out, I thought to myself that it would be really nice to go to Parallel Universe again. Be with everyone, sing, listen to Steve, hear people's poems, see their artwork. Most of all I wanted to be more a part of everyone, instead of the loner that I have been. : : Where is everyone now? Are we still a family? Are we still even friends? : : Families fight, friends fight, feelings get bruised/hurt/crushed. These things are a given in life. They will happen. What matters most is what do we do afterwards. Do we forgive the others we are mad at? Do we forgive the others who hurt us? Do we forgive ourselves? : : I'm done. : : I just want to end the venting with this : : I really miss you all : : You will be individually and collectively in my thoughts and prayers : : with Love : : John

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