Posted by Rev. Meigs on November 30, 2002 at 00:07:56:
In Reply to: Now What? posted by jason on November 29, 2002 at 18:08:20:
: I have been inactive with the list for the past couple 'o weeks. I was shocked today when I saw some of the posts. What is going on??
Hopefully I answered some of that for you on the phone. :-)
As to the rest of your post: it was a lot for me to process right now. My brain is not working well, and I am pretty beat physically and emotionally. I am very glad we are best of friends, and I would be a much poorer man without you. Thanks for your friendship and understanding.
Anyway, I don't know whether the current situation parallels ours, but I KNOW it has to do with me responding quite emotionally during a very trying time. I knew this time was coming, and I tried to make it clear that I really needed some slack. When I kept getting flack, I begged for understanding. The onslaught that I got in response was enought to make me never want to pastor again. And that is truly the way I felt when I responded. And so my response was neither practical nor professional. It was personal, and it was human.
I am often running on empty, and emotionally at the end of my rope. I cannot do this pastor thing without a lot of understanding and support. This is partially because of my grueling schedule, partially because of financial crisis, partially because of my less-than-ideal temperament, and partially because of my frustration with the length of time I have put into this labor and my fear it will never amount to anything. This leaves me quite vulnerable to attacks by close friends who know (from experience) right when they can hurt me the worst. I find familiarity does breed contempt, and this is a real shame, because of two things: First, it make it hard to pastor good friends; they often don't respect you like a stranger does. Second, it makes it hard to approach ministry as I have done (and wish I could continue to do), with honesty and openness, and without professional posturing or demanding formal show of respect. Here is the dilemma, and it seems there are but few options for solutions.
Regarding the problem of long-time friends, this has to be a case-by-case evaluation. For those who have no problem respecting me as a pastor, I am grateful for your friendship and presence. For those who find fault with me personally, they need to go elsewhere and find a pastor they can respect. For those who think they can pastor better, they need to go do so somewhere. On another note, for those long-timers who now want to be my funtime party friends outside of church but are not interested in the church or in me pastoring them, I regret I will not have time in the future to spend the kind of time they are interested in. There are only so many hours in the day, and my time is spent. The church is my life; if they are not interested, I can't live another life just for them.
Regarding my philosophy of honesty and personal openness in ministry, any seminary will teach you this is impractical. They know what I mentioned above: familiarity breeds contempt. How can I present the gospel as a real, flawed person who is open and honest about his imperfections, and yet retain enough respect to do my job and not always be a target? Perhaps it is not possible. I haven't had much luck, that's for sure. Perhaps with some limited changes in my approach: I could either become more private in my personal life, more formal and professional in relationship, or I can demand a little bit more basic respect as a prerequisite. I am considering...