Re: Just a few thoughts, kind of long.

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: I often think about futility in life and how our plans relate to God's desire for us. My biggest struggle in this area is that I know I am fully willing to let it go. I would completely abandon all of the crap this world presses on my life, or that I have taken on from it, but it seems like God actively tries to keep me in certain places. Now I'm not talking about some sort of doctrine here, I'm talking about experience between two living people, one of whom has a whole lot more power to affect the other. So this presents an interesting problem. I want to do what many people wish they could want to do, but am not allowed to do it. It could lead one to think God is some malicious trickster bent on frustrating everyone, but I know Him better than that. He has shown me that it will all work out eventually, and in the back of my life at every point, if i take the time to hear it, I can hear and feel the vibration of God's voice proclaiming what he is doing. It is almost inaudible but it is just enough to let me know He is still present and active even when it doesn't seem so. It is this same energy, or vibration that permeates all things. I guess it used to be called the music of the spheres. This is really my biggest comfort in life. If I couldn't feel that I know without a doubt that I would kill myself immediately. : So anyway I don't know where I'm going with all of this. Nowhere I guess. Unless it is to offer some bizarre identification with your thoughts and to verbalize (or print as it were) for myself exactly how it is that I make sense of anything. I guess I have learned that there are many things that we truly don't have much control over... at least when you are trying to do the best thing. I mean I could obviously do just about anything I wanted, but it would lead to my own ruin and misery. The strange thing for an existentially minded person like me is that it doesn't bother me that my free will is limited. But when I calm myself and can feel that harmony of all things, that music, I realize that the only way to remove suffering is to quit kicking against the goads. To just become water and adapt to everything. I can't possibly take the entire system of things alluded to in the Bible and taught by Jesus and make them apply to my life in a satisfactory way. I just don't see enough of the whole picture to see how it all fits. So i must trust. I guess this is faith. But it is far from blind. It is a faith built from experience. I can test what I know against it, and it has not failed yet. : : Sit back, relax and take a minute to visualize the following... : : Imagine sitting in your stairwell of physical death. There is nothing familiar about the surroundings, except for fear, possibly. No one to lean on. No one to take on the responsibility. No one to do it for you. It's just you, and your bags are packed. Can you take a minute to reflect on the fact that that can happen at any time? You may not even be able to sit in your stairwell, you may just pass through, in the blink of an eye you see everything as it really is...outside the matrix of the "real world". : : Will you continue to say, "I have time"? What about "I go to church"? Or, how about "My mom or dad is saved, I must be too"? There is no one on earth who can go through your door of eternity, the turnstile leading to eternity only fits one person at a time. : : It looks like a bleak picture doesn't it? It's not though. It's not for us who trust in Jesus Christ and have our life in His hands. Scary, I think so. I have been a Christian for about 10 years and I am still frightened at the though of seeing my maker face to face. I think about all the futility I fill my life with. All the Fads, images, paths, and ideas I grasp and hold tightly will not matter at the end of my physical existance. I want to have Him say "well done", but will he? I don't feel like that is the response I will get. : : The purpose of this post is for me to refocus myself, to let the world in on my cracked life. I would encourage all who will take the time to think on these things, meditate on the Word of Life, and live each day as though there will be no more. : : I just though of this reference, I don't know if it is fitting or not but it is Luke 12:13-32. Sometimes I feel like I am that "Rich Man", placing effort on all the things that will not matter. This is not saying that goals and plans are bad. In fact I would venture to say that God blesses those that plan and do not live wrecklessly. But, our plans are not final. They are not the end all of life, they are temporary blueprints for gaining tools that will allow us to minister to others. I believe our plans will not be blessed unless they are with the intent to share the results with others, and to live as though everything is expendable, because it is. : : I guess my rant is over. Here is the scripture reference if you would like to read it. It's the KJV translation. : : I hope this helps someone, for that is my only intent. : : [Begin Luke 12:13-32 Ref] : : And one of the company said unto him, Master, speak to my brother, that he divide the inheritance with me. : : And he said unto him, Man, who made me a judge or a divider over you? : : And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth. : : And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: : : And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? : : And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. : : And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. : : But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? : : So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God. : : And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. : : The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment. : : Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls? : : And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? : : If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest? : : Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. : : If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith? : : And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. : : For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. : : But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you. : : Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. : : [End Luke Ref]

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