Posted by giveawayboy on December 14, 2002 at 11:10:21:
In Reply to: Re: birthdayboy posted by PS on December 14, 2002 at 08:45:47:
He Marcos! Hey Steve! No, the rapture already occurred on Tuesday night! Upon which followed the small tribulations of clammoring for dishes and whatnot, looking for a pizza cutter and finally planning the family Christmas affairs. Then we all gathered about the elephant shaped glass table for a heavenly banquet meal prepared for us by Dominos (still number one--I've been eating Dominos since the ROWDIES were a staple at the Tampa Stadium). About halfway through our heavenly banquet my mother began to shine like the sun and heap praise upon me since by some chance configuration of the sun and planets, I was to be memorialized upon this evening, by proxy for Sunday. It was odd. I began to state how I could not help accumulating years. Here I compared myself to most other people. Then the onslaught of chocolate cake began, which seemed so Babylonian to me. I mean all this indulgence, and THAT 70's SHOW w it's sexy black-haired girl gyrating in front of me--Man! I swore I was one of the merchants of Tarshish. Oh well. Then, I began to comment on various people on the television to the bewilderment of my sister's husband. He might not have understood the source of my brief but profound admirations. Suddenly there was silence in the living room for about half a minute. I envisioned some elaphantine bird flying overhead peering down in Yohanan-like fashion, taking us all in. Suddenly there was a mad rush into the guest room and everyone was crashed out upon an old bed covered in Scooby sheets. We were all supposedly beholding someone like an angel, Josh Groban I believe. He seemed to be standing w one foot on a stage and one foot on a sea of glass. I believe he sang some cheeky song about lovers or something and I kept comparing him to a male version of Celine Dion. Dion, by the way is related to the word for God. And if you stretch it, Celine, could mean either beautiful or heavenly depending on how much you wish to restore the actual text. But since I didn't want to add to or take away from the events of that evening, therebye adding to the Groban-wrath meter or taking away from my promised blessings of a huge Teflon pan and some odd cash, which I had just received (this paid for my Christmas presents to my family) I let Celine simply remain Celine. Finally, my mother, still shining like the sun, gained the attention of all the devoted scattered about the four corners of the living room. Taking her seat at the elephant throne, she won our affections through her maternal powers. When we all gave her honors and attentions she began to break open the seals of her Christmas intentions, which she then lavished upon us in excited merriment and some cleverly disguised anxiousness. Soon, we were all lined up like the 144,000 and each of us knew to which tongue, tribe and nation we belonged. Now it was simply time for us to cross the Jordan together, knowing which gift certificates we would be buying at which stores and which books or harmonicas we did not need to buy since they were already ours in the vast storehouse of treasure that existed inside our mother's house. Each seal she broke came with great pealings of murmurs from the assembled and great grumblings of tummies for more pizza, more cake. At the appointed time, my mother and father announced a shocking departure, and were whisked away by a horseless chariot, that I think was prophesied about in Daniel, seemingly like Joseph and Mary leaving for Egypt or something of that grand proportion. Then it was time for the sister and brother of the celebrant to discuss the viewing of moving pictures. After this everything returned to tedium. I was immediately returned from the third, ninth or thirty-third heaven and resumed the mundane life of my daily, earthly existence. At this point I await several forementioned future raptures, which all promise to fill me with homemade Old El Paso Taco shells and fresh ground beef, cheese, onions, etc. Here I will receive more teflon empowerments and perhaps odd semi-erotic flashlights that I will never use.
So, as far as Sunday, I will be a man of dust, free to attend gatherings at the homes of my friends.
Bill