Posted by Mister Metal the skeptic on February 08, 2003 at 12:59:58:
In Reply to: Re: you think honestly misses thistle?? posted by thistle on February 08, 2003 at 10:48:25:
: I think you have more friends than you realize. Look at your friends on this board who stick by you in spite of your claims that you have no true friends. Maybe you should reevaluate. I am not always the easiest person to love, but I know a group of people who do a darn good job at it. If you want honesty, you're lucky your friends stick by you when you question their attempts at friendship. I like you, Raul, but you scare me because I don't think that I can meet your standards of friendship. I have many good friends that I consider family, but I am a very flawed friend. I know that they are my friends because they love me in spite of my inability to be a "good" friend. They come to my house and try to not touch my walls. They come to my house and are nice to me when I am in a bad mood. They find some humor in the fact that I am a freak and love me even though I am very hard to love at times. You need to look a little harder. I challenge you to find a better group of people anywhere (I am not speaking of myself, only of this awesome group of people who ARE my FRIENDS).
: If my evil twin has reared her ugly head, I'm sorry. If you are my friend, you'll love me in spite of her, me, us. If you don't like my evil twin, uhh, you can be mad at me a lot because we pretty much go everywhere together.
: I suck, but MY FRIENDS ROCK!!!!
gettin out of this struggle that i have endured for so long hasnt been and will continue to be very hard..i know that i have my rough edges..and you being leary of me is understandable..as is anyone else who has had their inhibitions about me..their reactions are normal and also higly validated..
i am high maintenance..i expect people to be there for me when i need them and when they are not its like a personal blow to me in the face..its something that doesnt digest easily in my head cuz i really try in my ability to be there for people..granted i am sure i have failed in the past..i keep trying to perfect myself through better reactions and better actions in future situations and in present situations..i really do try..some say i try to hard..i guess i will die trying to hard..its just how i am..
i dont expect anyone here to be buddy buddy with me..and those who are not..i dont blame you..i wouldnt probably hang out with me either..i just have to be honest tho..i stuggle with things like everyone here does...my deal that i struggle with is probably way different than other people's struggles here..i know people have their reasons for not liking me..and if they do like me its more miraculous and i really dont expect it..if anything its a pleasant surprise..so yeah thistle..you have your validations..as many do at pu..i am just one who doesnt buy into the whole,"i have to know someone for 10 years before they open up to me..or because i aint been there since the beginning i just have to deal with how i feel until people warm up to me.."
it doesnt and never will register in my head..and this is something i just have to work out..
there are some great people at church...i mean..hey lori who is very very leary of christians mind you..is coming this next sunday again hopefully,and she really likes it..so there is some good things happening obviously..i endorse pu at every opportunity given and i speak good of the congregation and those involved..i really do..so yeah...i guess i will step off the soapbox now..