Posted by giveawayboy on May 14, 2003 at 02:22:00:
In Reply to: Thanks Ryan posted by Fiiiyer on May 13, 2003 at 13:27:32:
: It's good to know I'm not the only person who can't quite get it right. Though I wish it were a easy thing for everyone. but, then again, if it were easy, would it be worth it?
I just had this thought tonight. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but I'll share it. In the past I used to try to keep this certain type of lifestyle that i thought was pleasing to God, but only recently did I realize that I couldn't do it, apart from his grace (read power). My thought was that I try too hard to control situations. I'm obviously not truly trusting God if I'm trying to manage everything for him. It's ridiculous. I'm not saying that we have no personal responsibilities in life or that we don't look at our lives and make choices. I guess what I'm saying is that we can't be anxious about having control. We need to let God be God. Hopefully we will grow in our ability to respond to him. Still, we can't run the show. And, even if we do try to manage it all and present some kind of holy image to him or others, it is only that, our meager attempt to present holiness. Actual holiness is something that will work itself into our lives on it's own accord and will be there as a result of God's action in us, but we must become docile.
I was reading about Thomas Merton and Dorothy Day. These are two people who have become heroes of the faith. Yet each struggled w doubt and sin. I liked that. They did not attempt to create some kind of Christian show or example out of their lives. They tried to live radically, often sinning radically in the process, yet somewhere GRACE enters in. Somewhere GRACE changes the hard heart into one that seeks after God. It is still God's action in them. At one point someone asked Thomas MErton what he wanted to become and he told them 'a good Catholic', to which his friend replied that he should have said he wanted to become a saint. I guess the work he does inside us is more important than the work we can do ourselves. One has more power than the other. One is more real, the other a shadow play or puppet show. One is dynamic and living, the other a schematic of sorts.
This reinforced my thought of a few weeks back. Im willing to get alot of things wrong so I can get the more important things right.