Posted by Terry on May 26, 2003 at 16:55:02:
Fear has engulfed me. Flooding over me like waves crashing on the beach. As low tide approaches, there is no break, for I am still drifting in self doubt. Dread circles around me like seagulls that have found dinner. Just when I feel like I have caught my breath the weather changes, and the undertow grabbs me threating to drag me under. Panic and terror roll in like the black clouds of a storm. The waves of trepidation treaten to drown me. As I am going down for the third time I hear a voice whisper, "Peace be still." Suddenly all is calm. A hand reaches out to me and I find grab out to the life line.
Who the hell am I kidding? This is not how God works in my life. 11:00 and I can't sleep. My boss has been fired, They are looking for a reason to get rid of me. If I don't pass the state boards I will be fired. I worry over all this like a gerbil on a wheel. Medical bills, Vet bills, Car bills O my. Medical bills, Vet bills, Car bills O my. God, please shut my mind off and let me sleep. I feel so alone. I hurt so bad I feel like I'm gonna explode. Stop thinking and go to sleep! Maybe I should try calling someone again. No, it's late and I need to sleep. No one wants me to bother them at this hour. All alone all alone... No God is enough. God calm my heart, stop the racing of my brain and let me sleep. Let me have your peace.... tick tock tick tock. I NEED TO SLEEP. I have got to talk to someone. Finally, I reach out and pick up the phone. A half hour call to the wisest person I know, and I am feeling better. I am finally able to go to sleep. As I dose off I realized that sometimes God speakes to me through people. He did answer my prayers, and for the moment, gave me peace so that I could sleep.
Last week was really hard, and I am not looking forward to this week. Thank you for praying for me. I found out after I wrote the above that the state has canceled my test. I don't know when I will be able to take the test. This is not gonna make my new bosses happy. Please continue to pray for me that God gives me favor with my new bosses and the company. That I can pass the state boards. Most importantly, please keep praying for Buddy. He is doing better, but I still worry. Thanks for being here. I love you all.