Posted by kat on June 10, 2003 at 07:40:04:
FOURTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take
a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word,
the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve,
its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between
"hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their
religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career
with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well.
Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife..
8. The most destructive force in the
universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can
give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a
woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you
can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should
stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday.
That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human
beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or
ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are
above-average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you, but
rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay
attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
Thought for the day:
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals
built the Titanic.
And no ...... you don't have to forward
this to anyone in order for your
life to take on new meaning...