Posted by Mister Metal on January 08, 2003 at 01:05:59:
ok..someone please answer this..for months and months i have shut my mouth and have been tryin to die to my self..and in the process have been tryin to look out for others and have neglected myself..which isnt right..and i have noticed that i am dying spiritually..
i am tryin to feel that i am doin my part in pu..and am tryin to feel like a part of a community..and find it very hard to feel like i am a part..
i dont get calls..no one offers to hang out..well its been a few weeks since i have hung out with anyone..
i mean..come on guys..am i being unreasonable?
should i just be quiet and forget about me..and die inside just to stay in church..and lie to myself.
or should i be honest and let you all know that i feel so lonely..and i dont know if its just me..or is it that people are harboring ill feelings with me for stuff in the past..or just maybe they dont like me..or are intimidated by me..
i dont feel that its fair to myself to be quiet anymore..i cant be quiet.
i just have to be honest with yall..i truly want to feel a part..but if i have been doin something wrong or have intimidated some people at church..or if i am being unreasonable in my expectations someone please tell me..cuz i think that i should expect more from church..i truly do..someone please let me know if i am wrong..cuz i feel that i should expect more than unreal connections with people..and i should feel like i belong..if not..why bother?
someone please give me insight on this..as i have been holding back for a while..i cant anymore..i have to be honest..
steve..i hope you know i aint tryin to start dissention or cause division..i just had to vent..
i have held back for a long long time out of not wanting to upset you or make anyone feel uneasy..and was punishing myself in the process..i have to be real...hope this isnt too much.