Posted by drifter on November 13, 1999 at 17:42:35:
Quietly I sit and stare at what my eyes do not comprehend. It defies description, yet somewhere in my deepest soul I recognize that to which my gaze is transfixed. Then in complete frustration and hatred of my so limited flesh I scream and beat my breast with all my might that I may force it into submission and comprehension of that which has me in its strange wonderful grasp, or else destroy it and be free from these eyes which cannot see and ears that cannot hear. Oh that i could tear me skin from my body and see with that which is true and holy. But still i scream and pound like an animal in my animal flesh and others see me staring at what their eyes also do not percieve and they think me insane. They steer clear, they give wide berth to this animal who has no control of his animal passions. They think me base and savage, but then maybe they are right. Then suddenly without warning a gentle breeze falls to my face from the direction of that which I cannot see and it hits with the force of a thousand gales stripping and tearing my flesh in its cool gentle whisper and still i scream as my soul surfaces to greet this invisible manifestation of that which my eyes do not see and my ears do not hear with the only articulation it can muster to even approach the intensity of its longing. And in my soul is the most painful wonderful sensation as if it were being at once dissolved and reconstructed.
And then it stops and I am left panting and staring at that strange wonderfulness which my eyes do not comprehend and my ears do not percieve and in my soul is the deepest form of love and longing a thousand times the desire a young beloved feels for her distant lover, or a young lover for his distant beloved. And again my soul screams at the top of my lungs for the intensly painful separation it feels from its one completion.
So still I stare panting and wounded looking intently at that which my eyes do not comprehend and in my soul a fire burns longing for just the merest whisper of a wind that thrashes my body and shreds my mind, for the glorious holy pain of purification which is the only true love a soul can know. And still others see me and think me insane for so desperately longing for my own destruction.