Re: Stepping in late in the game

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: As always beautifully written. I love the internet because you don't have to necessarily be jointed in your thinking. Anyway, I don't know what comes to your mind when we described our brief desires, but I definitately am not going to stand around and "witness" or preach to people. I can't do that. In fact apart from that i have no earthly idea what i would do. I just want to make myself available. To have God use me. The trick for me will be to be there and not end up just forgetting about everything else because it makes me uncomfortable and having a private good time. This is what has happened in the past. I personally am not easily offened by non-Chiristians doing their non-Christian things, so it is easy for me to just have fun there. I guess I agree that people who have problems with it shouldn't be there and all that. Truth is I don't really know what I'm saying right now, i'm just hoping something will come out of it. so all of the above may be worthless drivel. : I guess my understanding is this. I have a deep love for the people who are completley lost. for those who know they are screwed up and just don't have a clue what to do about it, so they get into whatever seems to bring them some relief. When I am with these types of people I have this penetrating sadness and joy at the same time. I love them deeply even though they have no concept of what this means. It makes me want to be around them. I want desperately to start spilling my thoughts about God and redemption and what I see in them but I know that if I try to express it they will stare at me blankly and have no clue what i'm talking about... : but then maybe this is just my flesh, I say. Maybe I should just start spilling it and God will touch the one who's ready to hear it. Maybe that is what I'm supposed to do. But then I don't. It's easier to go to a movie, or hang out with friends, or even if I get among the lost, it's easier to just to turn inward and just enjoy myself. And it is easy for me to block out others so that I look unapproachable. I'm a loner by nature and it comes with the territory. I really have no idea how to go strike up a casual conversation with a stranger. it goes against all of my childhood training, "don't talk to strangers" and all that. : I guess basically I'm just saying that I'm human. I'm just like everyone else. I just want to do more. Kat's post gave me hope that I'm not the only one who wants to do more, or rather I'm not the only one who feels sick at their own apathy. (as everyone WANTS to do more, they just ignore it). I don't really want to make a ministry out of anyone, i just want my friends to be the people who need Jesus. did you know that the church in America is really not growing? Not surprising I know, but mostly all of church growth is just transfers from one church to another. I don't want to sit around and be droned to sleep. I want to be among those who need the love that I have and the God that I know. I have debated going alone many times, but I would prefer company. so that is my thing. : But another thing, and I don't blame anyone because I'm no better, I have tried to organize things like this, but everyone calls it forced and it never works. Last year, or two months ago if Kat said that, I would have jumped on it and had the whole thing organized by now, who was going where and when and what we were going to do. not because I wanted to control it, but because I wanted desperately to seize the fleeting ambition I saw in others and make it a reality for all of us, mostly myself. But this only results in me feeling abandoned and angry at others who will back out or not show and myself for not doing anything even though they back out. Recently though, I have begun to see my own foolishness. My own striving. I don't think I can do it anymore. I just have to be what i am where I am and listen to god leading me to do what he wants and not what i want. I don't think I was running in a different direction from God, but I was definitely jumping the gun. He would say, "Go..." and I was already running in what I thought I knew was the direction before He could finish his sentence. Like the dog who chases the ball that you faked to throw and ends up standing there going, " I know it was coming this way, where is it now?" Not that God is tricking me, but you get the image. : : Hi there! : : I've had quite a bit of free time lately, and I've been spending it on the 'board... : : I had a couple thoughts on some of the subjects that have popped up in this post... : : I've read some of the posts of Bob Avakian on the site mentioned. I've thought about what Bob might be doing right now -- today. I can picture him at his computer typing up another inspired article to post on his website... I can picture him, still on the computer, looking up information on the latest news at the G8 conference... I can see him in his back yard mowing his grass... I can see him at the store purchasing a box of pop tarts... Regardless of what he's doing at this moment, but I can guess that at times he has "non-Communist" activities to focus on. Does this mean that he is no longer a communist? Even if he lived in the hills at some commune, and he's totally removed from the evils of the world (in his case - Capitalism), he still needs someone to interact with this evil in order to reach others -- like us. Anyway, the point is, yes, we need to be just as passionate as this guy, but he obviously has a gift to write articles and put himself out there, where John's gift might be to encourage his brothers and Kat's purpose might be to inspire others -- who knows? (Obviously, you must learn your own strength and weaknesses and follow through with them, so your desire to go do things is a good desire). : : Quick mid-message note: Take all this whole thing with a big grain 'o salt (or your favorite salt substitute) -- by no means am I an authority in these or any other fields. : : I used to spend quite a bit of time in the lovely Ybor city -- nowadays its way too commercial (yay Capitalism!!!). Anyway, hookers and theives don't exactly take kindly to strangers (not that I know any ;-), so I would let your passion for action to run away with you (again: grain of salt). These people definitely need help, but then so do I. So do many other billions of people on this planet. What's my point? I don't know!!! Actually, I'd like to tell a little story... : : When I first moved to Cape Coral (which is where I currently reside), I started spending time with a group of friends at my new church. We would get together for bible studies, and began meeting after different events for "fellowship." Anyway, we decided one Friday night that we could head to downtown Fort Myers (across the river from us) and check out the scene. Well, when I first moved down, I had visited the downtown area somewhat frequently for recreational purposes (local music scene, etc.). I was very interested to see what happened when the two worlds met (collided?). Anyway, I saw a friend that I knew from Tampa and we talked for a bit while my church pals hung out talking, etc. Anyway, I'm not sure where he was at the time, but he had been known to partake in certain "heavy" controlled substances. I introduced him to my friends, and vice versa, and we eventually went on our way. We talked about our experiences on the drive home and two thoughts crept into my head in response to our discussion. : : Thought one: One girl talked about how uncomfortable she felt when she walked into one of the bars. She said that she could feel the sin all around her and it made her sick. I first felt that this was a bit dramatic (ok, more than a bit dramatic, but anyway...), but reflecting on it now, I realize that she might have had some other issues going on. Suffice to say, I don't think it was a good idea for her to put herself in that situation -- 1. If it was drama, I would imagine that there could've been a "scene." 2. If it was the other issues, I think there are some people that feel unfomfortable in certain circumstance for good reason - I have a friend who avoids bodies of water, which is good because he can't swim. : : Thought two: Everyone wanted to pray for my friend. This is great -- he needed, and still needs prayer (as we all do!). It just seemed that after everything was said and done, the "gang" now had a "charity" case to focus their attention on. I know that each of those people had friends or family members that have needs just as big as my friend. I was a bit turned off by their enthusiasm (wow, the honesty is flowing now!) -- anyway, I thought that if they would just put forth the effort in their own lives, they would find all kinds of people to minister to in many various ways. : : I don't mean to discourage either of you -- or anyone else for that matter -- to head out and do some good work. I actually want to encourage you to be aware and keep your eyes open and follow your natural flow. As Christians, we sometimes get excited to be faithful servants and miss the mark because of our zealousness. The hardest thing to do is be brutally honest with ourselves. : : Another story: An adjacent building to our office was recently refurbished and is now a shiny, happy, storefront church. The first sign they posted was, "Jesus came to this world to save me a sinner" -- I'm sure he saved me a sinner too, but I haven't had the pleasure of meeting that individual yet. The latest post says, "The church that preaches what the Bible teaches" -- I guess I shouldn't have gone to the church that didn't preach the Bible's teachings. I hope to meet the Pastor one day when I'm walking past the building. I hope to explain to him how his signs appear to make sense only in Christianese. Grammatically the first sign makes no sense unless you think of the world in the context of Christ and sin. How many atheists do you know that are interested in deciphering some goofy little "gas station church's" message? The second message assumes that the reader really wants to know what the Bible teaches. Is this reaching out to those blinded in this world? : : Ok, I'm done with the soapbox for now. I hope that if anything else, you understand that I am completely in favor of you doing your thing -- I wish there were more that felt that way, just make sure to temper your efforts with pure, honest, painful Truth. : : Thanks for listening! : : Jason

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