childlike faith and menacing birds

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: : i want to quote the little sentence i have on my home page. "faith is a wild animal hunting you in the dark, not quite morpheus, not quite apollo." i want to say that the kingdom of god belongs to children. to approach god through faith is to approach in childlike wonder. it is to believe that as you step through a black black place in which nothing can be seen and nothing can be felt under your feet, that there is a welcoming light just inside the doorway you are stepping into and that you will not fall into nothingness. it is believing in a moment of terror that it really is true, and that the impossibly loud shouting coming from the intellectual part of the mind is really just another child, a bullying child that wants to get its way so that it can continue to exist in the myopic universe it has fashioned around itself. : this reminds me of these lights called ghostlights that stand in a theatre at center stage when no one is there. it is all dark in there but there is this persistent light, a presence, a ghost of all the shows that ever were. this is faith, this is wonder, this says that the show is always being remembered by someone. : : it is these moments of terror that inform the rest of our spiritual identity. well, at least in my experience. : exactly, moments of terror. : : also, i have learned of late that very simple childlike praying is the best kind of all. for instance, actually saying prayers out loud that come straight from the heart, from the doubts, from the faith, from the needs and desires roiling around in the chest and stomach, these are very powerful prayers to pray. or naming people out loud and asking god in the simplest terms to bless them, to help them, to heal them. these prayers literally change consciousness. all the energy in the room flips to a more positive pole almost immediately. childlike faith can burn away years of "stuff" in a matter of moments. i know that you know all these things, but they are things i have been thinking about lately and thought you might like to hear them. : childlike burning vision consciousness changing chest stomach reaching simple : : also i should say that the things happening in you are good things. the little birds from the west and the east whispering Universals in the inimitable polemical bill rogers fashion are undoing you despite your attempts at living a normal life. i have a strong belief however that as truth is unraveled clarity slowly sets in. one day you will hear the sound of ohm as perhaps you have not heard it before. at that time many things will have died away in you, used up from the striving upon one pole and another. it is very hard to see two things at once - just remember you don't always have to make a choice. : well, it hurts like normal. i described it once. it's like having a thousand caribou running around inside you and someone is expanding this steel pole inside your ribcage so that eventually it will break and let them out into the real world where they can reak havoc. something like that. at least when i go to silence that is what i find. that is the song i hear. and those birds are relentless, but i am learning now to be mindful of the birds and not anxious about them. also, i am learning to see past the birds to get the whole concerto. to get the whole song. so, somewhere between the thousand caribou and the birds, or birdlike creatures and the sun and the moon lies the frankenstein-like polarity, which hurts but strives for elegance, and beyond all of those things plus frankenstein lies this MYSTERY which soothes me, nurses me, holds me, releases me, judges me kisses me, lays me down and loves me. something like this. : : : ouch, hope that wasn't too aphoristic. : no, it was perfect. : : i am going to bed now. : i am going to eat some lucky charms. : bill

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