Posted by kat on April 13, 2002 at 23:09:21:
In Reply to: Re: A flower in the desert posted by john on April 13, 2002 at 16:45:58:
: Wow what a flurry of action on this thread! That's cool. As for apprehending me, I don't aprehend myself. I guess it goes back to that schizm thing. It is true that I am not nearly as disturbed as many people might think, but then in other ways I am so desperately more disturbed than anyone would know. many things I argue and carry to the nth degree but could easily turn from and go on about something else. Sometimes i admit I do it just to get a reaction. Most of the time I just really want people to think. But then I'm not really consciously thinking that alot either. It is just sort of a background thing. I once remember feeling very liberated when someone (who could it be) convinced me that my true personality was somewhere beyond all of the things that were associated with me, and even beyond what i associated with myself. In this light I'm not afraid to let myself run a little to see what develops. But one thing I have noticed... if I really don't like someone, or something, I won't talk to them or about it much at all. For example the people at work are constantly discussing this or that and I don't participate, nor do I join them on many of their social things, mainly because I don't like them. Of course they probably have made up their mind about me and i don't plan to do a whole lot of revealing. I just don't care. So for me the opposite of love is not hate, or anger, or any emotion... it is apathy. All this to say, don't take yourselves too seriously, and least of all, me. One day we'll all know who we really are. I'm just not content to wait, and I'm not content for those I care about to wait either ;)
I have always maintained that the opposite of love is indifference. Hate is passion which suggests some sort of caring (however twisted).
Billy Joel wrote this song called The Stranger which kind of deals with the self you are when no one else is around. But every once in a while, we let our guard down and let some one else see. I know that we are more complex than that even lets on but I always liked that song because I undrestood it at a young age. Mainly because I have always been so shy and introverted and figured that even I didn't know what was inside because I was afraid to let it out.
I feel that same impatience, to get past all the faces we put on and really let ourselves out.
Yet somehow it would be sad to just reveal everything, we really aren't ready for full disclosure are we? Some people run and hide from this intimacy of the soul. Others seem to flirt with it from afar. And yet others try to coax it out. I think that's you john.
Peace to you