Posted by PS on October 05, 2002 at 16:13:59:
In Reply to: Re: disconnect..its what you wanted posted by Metalito on October 05, 2002 at 10:36:49:
: i just get really attached guys..i just want to do my best to be the bestest friend i can be to many...and i even have learned to disregard my wants and needs to do so..
I want to reconsider this last statement. We all need to be real, and see our state as it is (which is much easier when we know we are accepted by God). Peoples' reactions to our attempts to love them do affect how we feel about ourselves. Feeling good about ourselves is a very basic and essential need that we all have, and we do seek and receive validation from those that we love. To have our demonstrated love reciprocated is the most basic of desires. Any semblance of rejection is a tad unbearable. I know because I struggle with the same feelings constantly. I just have more experience ignoring those feelings and continuing to do what I have purposed to do. I also have more experience receiving my validation from God, especially in the face of rejection. Finally, I have more experience counting the cost and accepting the price I must pay before ever paying it. This does make it much easier when the bill comes due, so to speak. But in spite of my perseverance, I still very much feel pain when my efforts are disdained or my love spurned. If anyone really wants to be used of God, it must be a very selfless affair, or you will not get far before you are forced to retreat and withdraw.
One more point, which should stand separately from the last point, so as not to cloud either issue. This is a bit painful to realize, I'm afraid. Most "helpees" have a built-in instinct that to some degree recognizes (often unconsciously) when a "helper" seeks validation from them in process of "helping". Quite often this causes the helpee to avoid the helper in a major way. We all need to realize this. If, as we seek to serve, people are often running from us, we really need to ask why. It may be as simple as being a jerk sometimes (like me!). It could be a variety of other reasons, many having nothing to do with us. But it may be that they feel we are taking as much as we are giving, seeking something they just cannot give right now. Think about it...