Posted by giveawayboy on January 21, 2003 at 01:27:10:
hey all, just wanted to say, christianity and me are on the outs. i am still a believer, and i know that i am not far from grace, but frankly, it just doesn't seem too real to me tonight. i know emotions pass. still, i need something real from god. just pray for me. right now jesus doesn't seem real to me. he doesn't seem like a person, just some sort of stamp of approval for somany conflicting irritating viewpoints. i think those of you who know me know that i take my faith quite seriously. still, right now, in this moment it all seems like so much nonsense. actually, i just feel like god is most likely here, but he just seems like a paperdoll or something. anyway, i'm morally and spiritually tired. i don't want to think about god or jesus or church. really, i don't. still, this is not a negation of anything real. if it's all true then me feeling this way won't cancel it out. perhaps this stage is part of renewal of my mind. who knows? i'm just really, really weary and would covet your prayers. frankly, right now i think christianity is one of my least favorite things. this doesn't mean i don't believe, it just means that i don't care much.
later, Bill