Posted by Verrrrrrrrrry Tired on January 22, 2003 at 09:48:02:
In Reply to: very very tired posted by giveawayboy on January 21, 2003 at 01:27:10:
: hey all, just wanted to say, christianity and me are on the outs. i am still a believer, and i know that i am not far from grace, but frankly, it just doesn't seem too real to me tonight. i know emotions pass. still, i need something real from god. just pray for me. right now jesus doesn't seem real to me. he doesn't seem like a person, just some sort of stamp of approval for somany conflicting irritating viewpoints. i think those of you who know me know that i take my faith quite seriously. still, right now, in this moment it all seems like so much nonsense. actually, i just feel like god is most likely here, but he just seems like a paperdoll or something. anyway, i'm morally and spiritually tired. i don't want to think about god or jesus or church. really, i don't. still, this is not a negation of anything real. if it's all true then me feeling this way won't cancel it out. perhaps this stage is part of renewal of my mind. who knows? i'm just really, really weary and would covet your prayers. frankly, right now i think christianity is one of my least favorite things. this doesn't mean i don't believe, it just means that i don't care much.
: later, Bill
Im torn with the idea of being filled of joy all of the time when my heart is longing for it and when just i get a taste of something beautiful out of nowhere it crashes down hard, i mean really hard. when the scriptures says "abide in me and have faith" this is where im stumped. when i actualy settled down and thats on a good day its so hard to let things be when im wrestling with just be able to just be myself. I'm with bill on this one especialy with the moral issue not because of what he struggls but still i can relate to him on a lot of the similar issues. bill and i have had discussions on morality sometimes all through the night. Sometimes i question the validity of the faith, not because im a skeptic, but because I want to believe these claims that people have had experience in thier lives.
So hang in there my friend we will make it to the end if its the real thang then we are on the right path