Posted by jason on April 03, 2001 at 13:50:33:
In Reply to: Re: More Steam (Part II) posted by John on April 03, 2001 at 06:23:14:
John, I really liked the way you stated a couple things:
"...people who refuse to see what is going on"
-- I like that you say refuse. I guess this is called 'denial,' and it is a difficult nut to crack!
"...I was able to study interactions and such fairly unnoticed"
-- I love when I find myself in this position (in an almost 'scientific' way)
"...our breed of Christians (grace oriented & less than conventional, although quite conservative doctrinally..."
-- well stated!
"... reluctant to say anything to anyone about what is right and wrong for fear of sounding judgmental or legalistic, but the fact remains that there is a certain standard that we who have committed to Christ are trying to attain..."
-- Note that the motivation here is the "fear of sounding judgemental or legalistic" -- I'm just throwing thoughts out here (and I definitely feel the same way when dealing with important issues), so in my thinking, I wonder what mechanism in our psyche causes one motive to override another? For example, when I'm dealing with Samantha, one motive I have is love (i.e. concerning her as an individual spiritual being), and another motive in my code is that I don't want to sound judgemental or legalistic. I wonder about myself as I interact with my world, and one thought that brings me great peace is this scripture: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." As I think of my motives regarding a situation (especially 'past tense' stuff), the thought that brings great comfort is that I am literally a "living sacrifice" and as Paul said, if you are dead, then you are dead to sin. Now I'm not just talking about sin as "wrong-doing" -- I'm referring to "missing the mark." So in your situation, and remember this is just my opinion, I would look at it and think that the reason that I was silent, is because the timing was not right. After reflecting on the situation, however, the next time the timing could be right. For example, perhaps next time when confronted with a similar set of circumstances, the thought might pop up that, "Hey, I'm allowing my motive 'fear of sounding judegemental' supercede my motive 'I love this person.'" This is growth.
"...if someone who has claimed publicly to adhere to these standards violates them and tries to justify it, don't we have a duty to say something? I have recently come to believe that we not only should, but MUST stand up for what we believe"
-- Make sure that before you stand up, you are sure in what you believe. When I was an early Christian, I spent a lot of times with friends "fellowshipping," and I remember a period when I was struggling with the concept of the Trinity. My friends, who were all more "experienced" Christians, all had interesting theories about the Trinity (e.g. cherry pie, ice cube, egg, ad nasaum ;-), but none of the rang true. They were so adamant about it, though, that I sort of accepted their ideas as my own. A few months later, I had joined a different church (actually a whole different denomination) based on my misconceptions of the Trinity. I left that denomination some months later because they were a bit off (in my opinion). My friends meant well, and they were trying to help me (motivation was right on), but because they were regurgitating these theories, there was no substance. The great thing is this: because *I* trusted in the Lord with all *My* heart, He revealed Truth to me. (Please tell me if this makes sense...)
"...I appeared to be accepting of what i know to be wrong"
-- Are you positive that your silence was the wrong choice??? I don't want to help you justify something that you believe to be an error, but really ask yourself if silence was really the incorrect choice (I understand that you think that it is). I have found that many times, my silence has actually given me more ground in discussions with a person down the road. The person might think that I agree, and because they know I am a Christian, it gives me a foothold that I would agree. I'm not intentionally deceiving the individual, but I am using silence to my advantage. This is one of the ways I interpret being wise as serpents and harmless as doves. (I hope you don't think I'm a total freak!!)
"...I am truly as confused as you"
-- We are definitely in search of answers. The cool part about this is that we aren't random in our actions. I mean, in following this "steam" thread, we have been trying to work out these issues in a logical, concise, and especially reverent method. As frustrated as I am (and as I assume you to be), He has me exactly where He wants me, and I love that about Him.
"I do think that one reason I didn't say anything was that I wasn't quite sure what to say. The situation was such that I was completely unprepared to deal with it..."
-- This was an extremely honest statement.
"...it will be dealt with one way or another, I just don't know what that will be yet."
-- When you say, "yet," that indicates to me that you are waiting for the right moment. I don't know what your situation is, but it is a good bet based on your description that the right moment was not when it initially happened. John, I think you are right on track. As a matter of fact, this is how I plan to deal with my Lester and Samantha issues.
: : ~~Don't be so hard on yourself. We are Christians, but we are human, and we stumble when things catch us off guard. If you feel like you should say something, even if it is after the fact, then you still can. I'm learning how to do that myself, instead of letting things fester inside of me and allowing my held-in feelings to affect my friendship...you know what I mean :)
-- This is a pure thought written by a clear thinker
What a great group of people!
Jason