Posted by Pollavon on April 04, 2002 at 07:46:51:
04-04-02
I dreamed that Bill was going to burn down a church and that afterward, he was going to either leave or die. We new that what Bill was doing was holy, right and sacred but we didn't want him to leave. We weren't concerned with the church burning- it was a means to the ultimate end which was Bill's departure. We were missing Bill before he had gone. John, Roan and myself were in the dream and at one point John came in jubilantly and wanted to know if everyone was saying a "holy prayer" for Bill. Everyone being the Crossover friends. Bill was getting ready for the church burning and setting his house in order, both literally and metaphorically. In the most prominent scene Bill was washing his bathtub, making it clean for the next person who would bathe in it. In another scene, John was going to take a bath in a clean, white bathtub with clear, blue water and a couple yellow rubber ducks. During this whole dream John was happy, giddy really. He was so excited for Bill and what was about to happen. I was so sad that I was losing Bill. I didn't want him to leave. As ever, Bill's attitude was tender, loving, familial, compassionate and patient. I keep seeing Bill's face looking at me while he was cleaning the bathtub. He looked at peace, far away and otherworldly in a sense. He was there with me but very far away.
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For the past week or so John has been reading Bible passages to Roan and I before we all go to bed together. We are reading the Book of John. Last night we read about Jesus returning to his disciples after the resurrection. Ever since I was old enough to feel and understand this chapter it has always made me very sad to think that Jesus would no longer be on the earth. It gives me a feeling of sadness unlike any other I've felt. It felt just like Bill leaving in my dream. John explained to us that when Jesus breathed on the disciples he left with them the Holy Spirit on earth and that he had to die in order to do this. Just like in my dream, I understand why Jesus had to go but I miss him so very much. I miss him as though a part of my heart has been taken away.
I love you sweet husband. I love you dear spirit brother.