Posted by kat on September 24, 2002 at 11:29:59:
In Reply to: Life sucks sometimes! posted by PP on September 24, 2002 at 05:58:43:
: Well, it was one of those weeks for me! I was supposed to be on vacation and well,... I felt like I spent a week in hell! St. Thomas was what I had in mind, but hell is what it was! I feel like my family is falling apart! Oh, and ya it is, I have FOUR TEENAGERS driving me and my husband both to hell! They really are good boys. But really evil too. Oh, thats not what I mean. My husband thinks I am loosing my mind. But in actuality, I just need a break. I absolutely love being a mom, but there are times I really hate it. My kids were supposed to be these angels, (and at some piont they may have very well been) but somehow when they formed into the evil state of teenagers, they transformed into devils! It really isn't as bad as if feels. But, it really feels like crap! Maybe it is the fact that there are 4 boys, only about a year apart in age and frankly there is a lot of testosterone flying through my house, and I feel out numbered. Sometimes, I feel like God doesn't love me, but I know He does! Look at the miracles He has done for me just this month alone! And, I am not going through the tough times that some of you are going through, but for me it feels like my world is caving in. Does anyone understand me? Kat may a little, I think. Tell me, does this get any better? Oh, and another thing, I need friends!
You know, each one of us has defining moments in our lives that God uses to teach us what we need to know about Him and also about ourselves.
A moment like that came to me about 2 1/2 years ago. I was feeling very overwhelmed and outnumbered and completely out of control of everything including me. And then something happened that changed my whole world. My brother said that he would take all my kids and raise them for me "if I couldn't handle it"
I really can't explain what happened next, I can tell you that I was furious at him for insinuating he could do a better job. I do believe now he was just trying to help, but at the time, something just snapped inside me; not in the bad crazy way, more in the , "wait a minute! I see what's going on here" way. I knew this was not about what's best for the kids it was about destroying me. It was about me forgetting my calling to be a mother and taking the easy way out; the enemy had laid it out for me.
I don't remember what I said to him. I know I said no. I know I was incredibly calm and hung up the phone and told Joseph what just happened. And then I bawled my eyes out and said that I would never, ever, no matter what, give up, or give up on my kids. And that was my defining moment.
I have to say here that before I had actually talked to my brother, the thought had crossed my mind to ask him to take maybe one. I was having problems with Josh getting in trouble and I was scared I couldn't handle it. I gave it serious thought really. It was kinda creepy that my brother even offered because I had not asked him yet.
I am so grateful God showed me in that moment what it means to be a mother, I am so glad that He showed me I was not alone. One thing I did do was "give" my children back to the One who gave them to me. They are not mine, they are His and He wants me to just do the best I can to raise them. He promises not to leave me to my own devices. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.
I am with you sister, this is hard and they are very often not cooperative. Loud, obnoxious, rude, frustrating, all that. But I do love them. Step back and just let what happen, happen sometimes. It's just not worth it to get upset about everything.
I will tell you what a wise woman once told me. Choose your battles. Choose your battles wisely.
They are not angels, they are not going to behave like angels. They are boys.
Decide whats really going to matter in the years to come and focus on those things. Tell them you love them, hug them even if they don't want to be hugged. I know exactly how it is.