Posted by John on April 17, 2001 at 14:13:43:
In Reply to: a few more thoughts posted by Jennifer on April 17, 2001 at 10:02:22:
: I haven't said in any way that the church or it's people have rejected me. I don't blame my problems on anyone....but my concept of how Christians support each other seems to be misled. In short, I look around to my Christian family and don't see the loving kindness I thought was supposed to be there in a time of need. It's almost like a sense of "you brought this on yourself". Perhaps I was expecting something more than judgment.
I have avoided responding to this point because I am close to this issue, but now i am going to. How many times have we held you while you cried? How many times have we skipped our plans to go see how you were? How many times have we gone out of our way to explain why you have refused to speak when someone tries to reach out to you (you would have no way of knowing this)? It is extremely unfair to sit in your own place and assume that because people don't seem to be meeting the expectations you have for them that they have not cared, or have judged you. You are not around when people constantly ask me, "how is Jen? Is she mad at me? I hope she's okay." You have recently been invited to everything else that others have attended as a group. People have made every effort to include you and now you judge them by claiming to know their motives. If your social anxiety is so great that it causes you to have a reaction very similar to snubbing people perhaps that is something that should be dealt with, but you cannot expect people to reach inside such a heavily constructed wall. Even still many have tried, as is evidenced by the fact that we ourselves have continued to stand with you through repeat after repeat of the same incidents.
Jen if you are intent on breaking every tie you have here so as to be able to leave then that is up to you, but I can't stand by while you malign this amorphous someone, who is neither anyone specific nor the church as a whole, yet bears striking similarity to all of these. If you need to leave that is your decision and yours alone, we all have attempted to open our lives to you and you have rejected us.
: Thank you for feeling that way....I guess I should have made it more clear that I needed people to step forward and remind me once in a while of the resources I had around me.
They have tried, specifically at Tim & Steph's wedding, at Steph's bachelorette party, at the open house for the church, at the coffee house where Gingerpoets just played. And many other occassions I was there through all of this, you refused to let them in.
You know I love you like my sister. How can you continue these accusations? My wife who has loved you the same has spent two days in tears over you! If you can't see that you are extremely loved and cared for then you truly are refusing to see it. We both know what the root of this is. I tried to tell you it would happen but you continued to ignore my pleading. Now you are hurt and lashing out. You need someone to blame, but there is no one. Why won't you look into the face of Him who died for you. Place your fingers in the holes in His hands and let Him forgive you. You will see that no one has left you or forsaken you. You will be welcomed by everyone with open arms if you would only allow yourself to be. You do not have to listen to the voices in the silence of your room. You do not have to be afraid of people, you can be whole and healthy and loved beyond belief, but you have to accept it. You have pulled the door to your hell shut tight on yourself and no one can get in until you let go of the lock.
Do you remember when I said that if several people are seeing the same thing and you aren't seeing it chances are you are the one who can't see? Jen, we love you.