Posted by john on April 12, 2002 at 06:41:20:
In Reply to: Re: john's polarization and my day at church posted by giveawayboy on April 11, 2002 at 07:41:06:
But see here is exactly my point. I understand your comments and agree for the most part. But what about the people whose true self is unacceptable? Or at least they think it is unacceptable. Maybe it isn't really their true self, but the point is they feel like they have to lie all the time. And when people keep asking you how you are doing and you have to make up stories that they will accept, it becomes a real issue. Again, I'm not saying anyone can do anything about it, other than a trained counselor and God, but we should at least be aware, and not dillude ourselves by thinking we have constructed some sort of magical environment where people can be so open, because it just isn't true.
And of course if you talk to someone, actually listen to what they say...and don't say, because you may be the one person who could swing things one way or the other for them.
: jnvn,
: i think you are right here. I learned this lesson in part from Terry and in part from Rik Evans. We don't have to blurt it all out at once, w out discrimination to just anyone. I am guilty of being too open and I'm working on it. But, those who know me, know that I'm pretty transparent, depending on the questions being asked and who and how. There is not much that most of my friends don't know about me anyway. The temptation is to take ourselves way too seriously. However, if I would have 'read a poem' on Sunday I think it would have been better for everyone if I just went up there w/ a blowtorch.
: See ya, Bill
: : you know, i think there is some common sense that has to come in somewhere. you don't spill out everything to everyone. to believe that everyone should be completely naked to everyone else is just silly. (i'm not trying to say that is what you are saying john, just expounding a bit.)
: : some things you ought to keep to yourself and never share with anyone at all. some things are holy and shouldn't be shared. some things are random, bizarre, horrible thoughts that don't have anything to do with a person's essential character. i imagine all kinds of weird things. ok, no surprise there i'm sure. but i don't go around blurting it all out, except in weird poetry that somehow ends up on steve and cari's fridge.
: : but there are things that are central to our personality. and sometimes these are the things that we hide from other people. the thing is, the person who really lives in there has to come out. this is the seat of our personal power. that probably sounds kinda self-helpish, but its true. whoever it is that you really are is a very powerful person. knowing who that person is unlocks all kinds of doors in your mind, and all kinds of doors in the life you live.
: : so figuring out who i am, that is the first step. then being that person is step two. the sharing comes along naturally later as the being inside begins to flourish. its a natural process that doesn't need any help, other than a bit of encouragement from time to time. and don't forget the LOVE!
: : here you go bill xxxooo
: : here you go john xxxooo
: : STHEEYALATER!
: : : I appreciate it, but I guarantee there are certain things that you would be disturbed to hear from someone, whether it is me or not. For example, and PLEASE don't think this is what I'm really thinking, but suppose I told you I wished my son was dead? Or that I was seriously attracted to YOUR son, in an inappropriate way? Or what if i just flipped out and went psycho violent on you. Are you really prepared to deal with this kind of dangerous truth? I'm not saying it can't be dealt with, but I don't believe you'd really be able to sit next to me the same way after that.
: : : and then even if you guys are prepared for it, there are others who may be nearby that couldn't handle it. I'm not condemning anyone for feeling uncomfortable, and we can't please everyone, but I just wanted to point out that I understand Bill's feelings. But maybe I'll give it a shot and we'll see the reaction. I'm willing to be the guinea pig if it will help relieve this for some people.