Posted by Mister Metal on August 23, 2002 at 09:51:37:
In Reply to: Re: honesty..the sting of being real posted by Bob - the Alien on August 21, 2002 at 23:03:05:
: : i just realized that very few people can handle when one is real..honestly i dont get that..its almost like people want to not hear the truth all the time..well its somethin i have observed in my zeal to be expressive of how i feel at everytime..this has made people at times just not knowin what to say..and kinda intimidated..i just wish that people would see honesty for what it is..just take it for face value..instead of thinkin its a foreign thing..when really we should all be honest to one another..now i am not tryin to say i am all that..just think that this is a nice concept...i just wish that some people would learn to take me being honest to them as that..and not rack their brains with it..just take it for face value and say..hey he is real..rather then get all uncomfortable..i think that some people are afraid to be real...
: : why is this?? somebody help explain as i never have..and who knows probly never will grasp this "fake is better notion" mentality of the masses...
: Have you ever known someone so well that you know them better than they know themselves? Most people are not totally honest with themselves because of some defense mechanisms built up through their life. When you know them well enough to see through that, you never want to be that honest. You don't want to push someone to a place they are not ready to go. You have to accept their own dishonesty in their self because it is necesary for their own well-being.
: If you are pushing people beyond their comfort level, of course they will not be accepting of it. While you are correct that falsehoods are not appropriate in all scenarios, when you get deep into someone's psyche, you have to accept that person both for who they are, and for who they think they are, even if there is some dishonesty in the mix.
: The bottom line is that total honesty is a good thing if you are not hurting anyone by it. If you are hurting someone, it still may be right, but you need to question it a bit. There is no black and white answer to this question.
one has to question the fleece that people tend to hold onto so dearly when they want to protect themselves...this "fake" fleece..i have to disagree that people have to be fake..now its one thing to disclose information..one does not have to rant it all..i understand this notion..but just because one has gone throught traumatic experiences..i have too..doesnt mean that one should be so hellbent on wrapping oneself with this fleece of falsity..its good to be a lil protective..but when this is overemphasized...you definitely lose opportunities to open up to people...one has to allow themselves to be stretched..i try to make myself a lil more uncomfortable every single day..
and this is what helps me grow..not that i have arrived..but i try my best to not allow my past hurts or disappointments to hold me back..i make myself do what i really dont..such as fellowship..and goin to church..i know its what is needed...and its not really pushin them to get to where "they are not" its good to encourage people to let them know its possible...i have been able to help certain people in my life that..a rubberband is just rubber thread conjoined together and is useless..till its stretched...you have to stretch it to get use out of it,it has many uses when it is stretched..one must allow themselves even if its in baby steps of progression to be made a lil uncomfortable everyday...i did this last nite and saw an increase..last nite i went to a hiphop youth service..in my head,i was like..i am not feeling these hiphop kids...i so am not..but i made myself stay and hear the message..made myself socialize..met a nice girl who is spec's cousin...she is so punk rawk it hurts... :) had i not went and made myself socialize...i would have missed out on a neat opportunity to get to meet a really beautiful person..so one has to question why is it so overemphasized...this fake is necessary...no bob..i am goin to have to gracefully disagree...real is necessary..well it may take baby steps of progression..and makin oneself get out of that comfort zone is good..while this is not totally part of the whole real ideal..i think this is necessary too...allow yourself to not get too caught up in the now...get uncomfortable..later on you will see the enormous window of oppotunity that opens before you because you allowed yourself to stretch beyond the comfortable...its good.