Posted by pathetic on January 12, 2003 at 13:29:31:
In Reply to: Re: am i destined..... posted by thistle on January 11, 2003 at 08:33:18:
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> "...Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in an ocean of self-hatred and despair."
Exactly...
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> "My life preserver, so to speak, is that I can see that God has made me into a new creation,
> imperfect though I still may be. There is something that is beautiful in me that is still hidden
> below the many layers corruption. God, in his infinite mercy, is chipping away at those layers as
> quickly as I allow. One of my friends once told me that I need to love myself and see myself as
> the beautiful princess that I am. While I tend to feel more like a royal bitch than a "beautiful
> princess," that advice has really helped me feel worthwhile."
I don't feel like a new creation. I understand that my spirit has been changed and this body and soul are struggling against it. I see myself as the piece of shit clay pot that is shattered and full of holes. Yes it holds something good in it (Christ) but the pot is pathetic. It is and always will be second hand, broken, useless, clay shards and fragments of little worth that have been hastily glued together. I can understand (strangely enough) that this is a good thing, so people can see the true source of the goodness in me.... but i can't stop seeing and thinking of myself as that pathetic pot. You can see the princess, I can only see the truth that is so much before my eyes... the pot.
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> "Don't feel stupid and alone. You have more company than you may realize."
I don't know how to change my feeling alone. I have felt alone for as long as I can remember... with my family... with my friends... I am always the one on the outside of a circle looking in wanting to be a part but never feeling like I am... even when I am a part... I don't seem to be able to conciously realize that, ergo... I always feel alone.