Posted by john on April 09, 2002 at 06:39:15:
In Reply to: john's polarization and my day at church posted by giveawayboy on April 08, 2002 at 23:37:07:
for a long time now it has really bothered me that even in a setting where people are free to be themselves, at least in comparision with other settings, there are certain things that are just taboo. We say they aren't, but I guarantee we would be upset if they were violated. I think this contributes to the schizmed feeling and forces people to become liars. I don't know how to overcome it. I myself sometimes feel like I will explode if another person asks me how i am doing because I can't answer with the truth at that particular time, nor would they really want to hear it anyway.
: well, recently i was looking at the recent posts between Pollavon and John McGee. I was noticing him talking about schism. Man, I felt real schizmatic w myself yesterday at church. I just get into these moods where I feel like I am about to explode. I feel so unresolved most of the time, and you know, lately I have gotten comfortable w feeling unresolved. It's sort of O.K. to be that way for me now. I wrestle so much inside and out. It's incredibly irritating! Do you all ever feel torn between two seemingly unreconcilable realities or choices? What about three or more? Do you all ever feel like you have something incredibly important to share w others, but also feel like you lack the ability to do so.....or like you lack the proper tools....or mode of delivery? Do any of you ever feel VERY INGENUINE about worship? Do any of you ever feel like the world's biggest hypocrite? Do any of you ever feel like you take yourself WAY TOO SERIOUSLY? Do any of you fear that if someone really knows certain things about you that they will reject you, even though you already know that they basically do anyway, and they obviously still accept you? Do any of you wonder who your real friends are? Do any of you feel creepy when it seems like everyone is pairing up and you are everyone's fifth wheel--but they all appease you be insisting that you aren't? Do you hate reading your own words since you feel that you have the delivery skills of a lichen? Do you sometimes feel that you think too much about everything, and that no one really cares?
: If so, do you want to respond to this post?