Posted by Mister Metal on July 06, 2002 at 00:19:11:
or should i say screw up!! yeah i realize as the days go by..that i cannot do this living for GOD thing..i just cant..its really discouraging..and while i am not sayin i am givin up..i am sayin that its a soberin thing to know that i cannot do it..i thought at one time that people would be there to keep me accountable..nope they have not..i thought that i would have a mentor to look out for me..i have not..its been 4 hard years..the hardest years of my life..and somehow i am alive and here breathing able to talk about this today..and somehow i still find the strength to go to church!! how i do not know..i cannot explain it..i am not one who is there or has arrived when it comes to the spiritual..and yet i know that Somehow..however GOD wants to...he is gonna use my honesty..and i dont depise the fact that i feel so alone and such an outsider...in the past few days..the enemy has lied to me tellin me i should give up..and i dont really want to go there..or even give heed to what he tells me..altho that is how i feel..yes it would be so so easy to stop fellowshipping..as i have in the past..and yet i know in this thick cranium of mine..the one GOD so blessed me with...in my hardheadedness....if thats even a word..i want to keep on..i dont even know how..i juss do..i juss want to encourage yall..as i dont feel that i do enough of encouragin..that even tho you may feel like givin up..dont..as i have not...miraculously so..i have at times wanted to give up..but i am still here..and i am breathing..healthy..so yeah..keep on...its a miracle in itself that i can be able to tell you this and share with yall.